Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
