ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
