I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize