Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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