you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
