the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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