I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
