Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
