I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
