i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
