Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
