I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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