The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
