And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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