Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
