Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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