I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize