Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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