I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
