I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize