You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
