we have pet lesbian snakes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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