i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
