Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
