so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
look no pants
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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