yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
