I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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