I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
