yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
