see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I think my moral compass just broke
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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