I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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