fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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