So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize