tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
