Please, let me fuck your mom
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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