Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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