its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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