I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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