Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
