Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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