he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
