You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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