we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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