Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
