AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
