So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
