Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize