pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
