The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
