Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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