My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
