I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
