If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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