I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
