I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
