im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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