I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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