All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i dont even know how to be here
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
