One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
