All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
