i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you never un-have a 4some
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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