If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
