Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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