he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize