All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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