I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
