32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
