areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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