so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
