my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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