They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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