my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
