I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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