My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize