she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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