I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
