i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
