have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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