I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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