Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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