Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
