Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
